Beginning To See

It has been a few days. Normally I am already feeling stressed with the holiday hustle and bustle. Gotta get this done. Gotta mail that, go here, be there.... Not so much this year. I guess I attribute it to a couple of things.

First would be my back. Having hurt it earlier this year, there are things that I would normally do, but am not this year. Things like totally transforming my home into a Christmas wonderland. Every room has a different theme like santas, snowmen, music boxes etc. Although I am missing the changes and lights, I'm not missing the work. Especially the trips up and down the stairs. We also didn't have the normal party here. I miss the people. It was always a good time, just had to say no this year.

Secondly, I am almost done with the shopping and running around and it's only December 6th!! That, in and of itself, is a wonderful thing for me. I have a few more things to bake and a few more things to wrap and mail and I am done.

I do feel, however, the absolute most important change in my feelings is indeed the fact that I now recognize all of that baggage that I no longer feel I need to carry around. I feel more at peace....lighter, if you will. I am now better able to focus on and accomplish things seemingly without stress.

It seems as though I was carrying a lifetime of hurts, emotions, losses and bad memories. These things I now realize were not helping me get to where I want to go, but holding me back. I was confused in the fact that I believed that I needed to carry all of these things from one step of my journey to the next in order to learn from them. This is so not true. Instead the lesson has been to step away with the experience and lessons only, not the burdens.

There are but three things that I still feel that I can't lay down right now. Maybe because I haven't learned these lessons yet. They are the issues with my back, my weight and my short term memory loss lately. I am in hopes that the memory thing is just an effect of the medication and will improve now that I have stopped taking that particular drug. The others I guess I'll just have to wait until the next stepping stone becomes available. Until then...