Mom and Dad and Emotions

I really love my Mom and my Dad. I really miss my mom. Guess I'm not as angry as I used to be. Just kinda still a little empty.

Growing up, looking back, my parents were always there for me. Mom stayed home with ALL the kids. Dad worked a lot, but I never felt that I didn't have access to them if I needed them.

I've been thinking a lot about the emotions that I grew up with. What I am remembering so clearly now, I never noticed then.

Dad said son-of-a-gun once. Boy was I scared. I had never heard him swear. That was as close as I ever wanted to get.

Mom would get mad at us kids for one thing or another, nothing serious. We knew where we stood. I usually got in trouble for laughing, especially when she was trying to discipline my brothers.

But true emotions, I'm at a loss. I do remember Mom getting mad, taking a deep breath, shaking her head and walking away. Not expressing. Not letting out what she was really thinking. What would have come out if she let go? I remember when Grampy died. I was fourteen. We were at the funeral parlor. She burst into tears; Dad put his arms around her. Then, as always, I saw her stifle the feelings and "pull herself together."

Guess kids do learn so much from their parents even if no one is even aware. I love my parents. I couldn't have asked for better. I always liked the fact that my "imagination" was never stifled, but now I wonder if it was at the cost of something else.