Awakening of the Power Within

Day One...
The awakening begins....or at least tries to yet again.
I woke up this morning different. So many things within my head trying to formulate. Anyone who knows me knows that, that in and of itself, can be a very scary thing. And besides, who am I to kid myself, every time I believe I have "IT" figured out for me, "IT" changes. I am then back at the beginning without having rested.
These words and name tumble through my head without form. Power within. Joiia. Quiet time. Relax. Rest. Rejuvenate. Reabsorb. Heal. See.

Day Two
Again I wake up to a head filled with many things seemingly not connected, but I know that they must be. Where to start? I put the water on for my first cup of tea for the day and mindlessly step on the scale like all good anorexics do. 202.2 lbs. Numbly I step off the scale feeling as though I deserve this weight. Its the continual stuffing down of everything for the last thirty years. Heaven forbid I let it out. That is weakness. Anorexia is control. Even though I know the bizarreness of this as I write it, and the weight I have allowed myself to become, it does somewhere within me make perfect sense.
The thoughts in my head randomly each pushing for full attention. I must put them to paper in order to somehow make sense in the future. My constant, Fred and thankfulness. Time to purge, emotionally. Portia De Rossi and Cheetos, My first marriage. Weight. Albuquerque. My healing meditation. The plane crash. The boys. There are more, but for now this list will surfice.
And then the thought...No time for this, it's the week of Thanksgiving! The holiday season has begun. The hustle and bustle, the craziness. No time to get everything done! I feel that I can do one of two things. I can begin this process now as it has presented itself to me, regardless of the timing, or I can do as I have been doing all my life. Seemingly forget about me, stuff everything down or lay it aside for when I have more time and fall into the robotics of life. I say it all the time when I realize a few months, or maybe even years have gone by and I haven't reached out to that good friend, "life happens". Well, yeah it does, but is that really a good excuse?
Earlier this week I made mention to a good friend that I feel as though I look like Jabba the Hut when I look in the mirror. Her very powerful response to me was to stop being mean to her friend. And so, maybe regardless of the timing, I start taking care of her friend.